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Transportation

Gulf War Vehicles Hit L.A. Freeways

A spate of post-war vehicles are slowly being remodled and made available for the average consumer. The appearance of tanks on freeways and Apache helicopters in the air rankles purists.

By George Wolfe

I-10 EASTBOUND, OUTSIDE OF ROSEMEAD – After the first Gulf War, commercial Humvees became increasingly popular. Now the next generation of military-civilian hybrids is fast approaching.

The Humvee ambulance is to the SUV what the standard Humvee was to the jeep. The taller canopy allows for an entire extended family of 8-10 persons to sit comfortably. So it conserves energy even if it gets just under 6 miles per gallon. As with the Humvee, bottled bubbly water fits snugly in the racks on the back of the vehicle. Beach blankets and umbrellas can also be attached to the vehicle's shell for easy extraction and use.

"Sure, the loss of civilian lives could be a side-effect of these new tools of law enforcement, however, at this point their use remains unavoidable."

— Clyde Radcliffe, LAPD spokesman

Lou McFeeley, an Emergency Medical Technician, bought one and plans to use it for his whole extended family, "It's got a helluva lot of space. And since I work with wounded and dead bodies anyway, it's not so bad!"

The Abrams' hybrid tank weighs in at a sturdy three tons and gets just over two miles per gallon. The treads have been scaled back, the barrel has been removed and the turret has been smoothed out. The front window has been expanded and the plexi-glass top hatch doubles as a door and sun roof. Crash tests show the Abrams to be first-rate.

Fellow commuter, L.L. Stanton, who just bought a Mini Cooper, laments, "I don't care how safe it is for users, it sure isn't safe on the roads anymore for me and my kids!"

And the Los Angeles Police Department todayannounced the acquisition of a fleet of 12 Apache helicopters for use over parts of Former South Central.

Responding to preliminary complaints by citizens of Former South Central, LAPD spokesperson, Clyde Radcliffe said, "Sure, the loss of civilian lives could be a side-effect of these new tools of law enforcement, however, at this point their use remains unavoidable in the ongoing search for drugs of mass destruction. Fortunately, the residents of such neighborhoods are already familiar with living in a war zone, so we trust they won't make a big fuss out of it."

The helicopters, still equipped with the samemissiles and machine guns, are now being called "Hummingbirds."

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THE NEW COBRA: The sharp contours and window innovation should make the Cobra a fine addition to the L.A. traffic scene.

HUMMINGBIRDS?: Apache helicopters are being dispatched over parts of L.A. to help out with the ongoing search for drugs of mass destruction.

TANKS, A LOT: Look for refurbished Abrams tanks — such as this field model — on the road nearest you.