Will Share Casino Profits
in Exchange for Nevada and Arizona
California tribes offered a profit-sharing
deal in response to pressure by state legislators and citizens.
The deal would trade two states, Nevada and Arizona, for splitting
casino revenue rights in California.
By George Wolfe
SACRAMENTO — A consortium of California
tribes responded in a joint statement to the growing outcry over
their financial success of casino businesses.
"Fuck you!" reads the statement.
The consortium's spokesperson, multi-millionaire
Shoshone elder Linda Eaglefeather, says that despite centuries of
oppression, neglect and poverty, they bear no grudge and that the
tribes are perfectly willing to share gaming proceeds with California
if, in exchange, California will broker a deal with the U.S. Government
to trade the states of Nevada and Arizona.
"We see Las Vegas and Reno as being more
profitable than California gaming anyway... and Arizona would be a
nice little addition."
"We see Las Vegas and Reno as being
more profitable than California gaming anyway," says Eaglefeather,
"and Arizona would be a nice little addition since it's got a
lot of natural beauty, like the Grand Canyon."
Governor Schwarzenegger's spokesperson responded succinctly to the
tribes' proposal, "Our people will conduct a feasibility study
of stabbing their people in the back."
A source close to the governor believed that,
in light of the state's financial situation, and the governor's
intent not to raise taxes, that the sale of two adjoining states
"may be a deal he's willing to make."
President Bush would not say if he'd help California
broker the deal, but he did speak to the consortium directly, "Look,
just because we bought your land out from under you doesn't mean
it's fair for you, once you get a little cash, to turn around and
buy it back."
Arizona and Nevada were not so pleased at the
The governor of Arizona, Janet Napolitano, claimed
that she felt "really screwed... again!" by California,
and vowed to oppose the deal by any means.
A slot machine gambler in Reno seemed unfazed,
admitting that "as long as I keep winning, I could care less
whether we're a state in the U.S. or part of the Iroquois League
of Voters, or whatever they're called!"