Hard rocker Osbourne doesn't see why the next season of The Osbournes shouldn't be set in Sacramento, with him as governor. After that, who knows — the 'first family of rock' might end up as the 'first family... period.'

By George Wolfe

LOS ANGELES -- Ozzy Osbourne has declared his intent to be put on the ballot as a candidate for the Governor of California. Osbourne, who will run as an independent, is the latest high-profile figure to line up against the beleaguered Governor Gray Davis.

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"If I can bite the head off a live bat, then I can take a bite out of this f*ing state deficit."

— Ozzy Osbourne, gubernotorious candidate

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In addition to being a rabble-rousing, heavy metal rock legend, Osbourne has been accused of being a Satanist and animal torturer. During a concert, he is said to have bitten the head off a live bat. More recently, however, Osbourne is known as the patriarch of the popular reality sitcom, "The Osbournes," which chronicles America's favorite rock 'n roll family.

At a press conference in his Beverly Hills mansion, and flanked by wife Sharon and kids Jack and Kelly, Osbourne spoke in stammering earnest about his political venture. "Look, I know people will think this is a joke. But the sad truth is: A $38 billion state budget is no joke -- that's a f*ing suicide solution that will affect all of us. I want to take this moment to assure California voters that I stand before you today not to make trouble and confuse matters, but because I can simply do a better f*ing job than Davis. If I can bite the head off a live bat, then I can take a bite out of this f*ing state deficit."

MTV, which produced "The Osbournes," followed with their own press conference announcing that Osbourne's political campaign will be incorporated into the script for the reality show. Other networks cast doubt on the sincerity of the dual announcements, accusing MTV and Ozzy of trying to boost interest in their show, which has seen its audience diminish since its first season.

SPEAK OF THE DEVIL: Osbourne hopes to put his wild side behind him in his bid for the governorship.

Responding to such musings, Osbourne said, "I don't know. Reagan went from being a f*ing actor to a f*ing prez, and God knows he wasn't qualified. Why couldn't I? We've got lots of cats and dogs in our house -- the people sure like that. And Sharon has that 'first lady' look. If I did, I swear I wouldn't do anything too radical, like trashing the White House or doing weird stunts to get a rise out of other heads of state. I mean, it's not like I want to change the world or raise hell, but yeah, I'm a little curious to see what it's like to be the f*ing master of reality as we know it."