boulderdash n: a road game played by California drivers during the wet season <Penelope called her friend to tell her about the ~ that was already underway along Pacific Coast Highway.> -more-

 
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Michael Jackson to Build
Amusement Park Near Prison

Buddha's Gym:
Becoming One With Any Body

Bush Declares California
"Disaster Area—In General"

Tongue Tattoos: New Fad

Lakers Sign Fetus

Beverly Hills Morgue
Offers Herbal Body Wraps

 
 
Sports

Los Angelese Lakers
Swallowed By Sinkhole

After elimination from the playoffs, the Lakers' team bus is swallowed up by the earth. No signs of life remain in a team that had been lifeless for much of the season. Owner Jerry Buss and God are being questioned about the tragedy.

LOS ANGELES. — The Los Angeles Lakers didn't think things could get any worse.

But after becoming only the fourth Laker team not to make the playoffs in 45 years, the question of "how low can you go" was begging to be answered. On the way back from the LAX airport after a season-ending defeat, the team bus mysterious careened into a sinkhole along Route 1.

Though the tragedy would seem to be an act of nature, Laker owner Jerry Buss was brought in for questioning. Buss, who is largely responsible for sending Shaquille O'Neal away and breaking up the Lakers, is suspected of causng the massive sinkhole in order to get a fresh chance to rebuild his team.

"No comment."
— God Almighty, on whether the Laker demise is due to hubris.
Buss could not be reached for comment, but his secretary assured reporters that the owner would never kill off his own team, no matter how desperate he might be to erase his mistakes. Police, however, recovered empty cases of dynamite, and a shovel, that were found in the trunk of Buss' car.

Or was it all a classic case of hubris -- of God smiting the high and mighty dynasty shortly after its three-peat reign?

"I have no comment on that," said God, defering to Johnny Cochran, his newly deceased/hired lawyer. "well, maybe it had a little to do with it. You got to admit, they had it coming."

 

 

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...AND, HE SINKS IT!: The Laker team bus sticks out of the sinkhole which swallowed it up. Fans have combed the wreckage for souvenirs.

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ISSUE # 27

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