to Sue Giants' Fans
Over Treatment of Rally Monkey
by George Wolfe
ANAHEIM — San Francisco Giants' fans may have just been monkeying around during the World Series, but the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals doesn't think it's a laughing matter. And they're ready to back it up in court.
The ASPCA announced a suit today, charging damages "to animals the world over, but particularly to monkeys."
Spokeswoman, Belinda Bonobo, said that "We are deeply shocked that citizens of such a peaceable city as San Francisco would display such barbaric treatment toward an animal that's a kindred spirit to humanity.
The ugly images that the world was forced to witness — lynching, decapitation and disembowlment — cannot go unpunished. To do so is to say to the world, 'World, we haven't evolved at all. No, not one bit.'"
Asked what the organization hopes to accomplish with the suit, Bonobo replied, "We intend to sue the pants off Giants' fans and send them back to the caves they crawled out of!"