By George Wolfe

PASADENA, Ca. — Scientists at the Jet Propulsion Lab are discovering many astounding things from the haunting imagery pulled in by the Cassini mission. For starters, Saturn's second concentric ring essentially has about the same "air-quality" as parts of Los Angeles during the summer.
JPL scientists have affectionately dubbed it "the Pasadena Ring."

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"If you look at the photos closely, you can barely make out what might be the remains of a 20-lane freeway on [Saturn's smoggy moon] Titan."

— Claudio Abid, scientist
Jet Propulsion Lab

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"We expected those dust rings to be extremely dense and full of interstellar dust," said chief atmospheric scientist Claudio Abid, "but if I took a walk outside right now [here in Pasadena], it'd be about the same."

Saturn's closest concentric ring has a "particle-to-space ratio" comparable to Houston, while the third, fourth, fifth and sixth rings were said to be akin to air quality in Detroit, Newark, Memphis and Atlanta. Spokespersons from those cities categorically refuted the air-quality comparisons and collectively countered that the whole mission was a made-for-TV hoax.

The scientists named one of the most far-out rings the "Rodman Ring," in honor of the former Chicago Bulls basketball player, Dennis Rodman, who adorned himself with flashy gold facial rings. And beyond the Rodman Ring are the faint traces of the rings now dubbed the "Liberace Rings" after the famed, ring-clad performer.

PACE TO BREATHE: The Los Angeles / Pasadena ring is second only to Houston in its particle-to-space ratio of dirtiness.