boulderdash n: a road game played by California drivers during the wet season <Penelope called her friend to tell her about the ~ that was already underway along Pacific Coast Highway.> -more-




President Bush's Job
Outsourced to India

It was recently discovered that the job of the President of the United States has been outsourced to India and is now handled by a 23-year-old woman named Sangeet Dinali, who lives in Bombay. The move reflects a growing trend to replace American jobs with cheaper counterparts overseas.

By George Wolfe

The following is a sample transcript from the President:

Welcome to WhiteHouseLink LiveChat. Your chat session will begin shortly.
Tired of Terrorism? With WhiteHouseLink's free AxisBlocker you can customize your settings to eliminate evil viruses and spam!
'George B' says: Thank you for contacting WhiteHouseLink LiveChat, how may I help you today? yeah, I'm pretty pissed off and I need someone to talk to. I lost my job on a production line at a steel mill here in dayton, ohio. what do you propose I do now?
George B: Please wait a sec'. hey, where'd you go?
George B: Sorry. Just consulting with my staff. Please get another job to best resolve the issue of unemployment. hey, I've looked. believe me, there are no other manufacturing jobs in this area for what I do. besides, I've got family here, we have ties to our church and community, and my kids are in the middle of a school year. am I supposed to just up and move to where there are more jobs?
George B: If there are no comparable jobs in your immediate area, please cross-train to another career. If that does not resolve your problem, then yes, it is possible you might have to move. Sorry 'bout that. if I moved, where would you recommend?
George B: Please wait a sec'. hey, stop doing that! either talk to me or don't…
George B: Sorry. It looks like employment prospects are good in Denver, Colorado and Raleigh, North Carolina. -- or maybe Mexico, huh?
George B: Orlando, Florida is also high on our list. hey, are you really typing answers, or are you just pushing buttons that spit out answers? how do I know this is really George Bush that I'm chatting with anyway?
George B: Yes. I am George W. Bush, president of the free world. How may I help you today? see? that's just what I mean!
George B: God Bless America. that's really annoying. please stop.
George B: Sorry you are not exactly appreciating my help. don't sweat it. but seriously, George… what are you going to do about the deficit you're racking up? I voted for you back when you had a huge surplus, but I'm having second thoughts this next time around.
George B: Thanks for your support. As to your issue: I assure that it will work. The American people are good people. Tax breaks are the road to recovery and wealth. yeah, maybe for the rich…
George B: We must stay the course. What about the war in Iraq?
George B: Weapons of Mass Destruction. The American people are behind it 100%. Our success will be directly coming from their faith in our mission. yeah, but what about Spain dropping out?
George B: Yes. Sorry. Spaniards are turncoats -- pass it on. Weapons of Mass Destruction. We must spread Democracy at any cost… yeah, yeah… -- what about job outsourcing? how do you feel about that?
George B: Please wait a sec'. sure. whatever.
George B: Thanks for your patience. Outsourcing is good for the American people. i'm not so sure it's good for the middle class.
George B: Stay the course, my fellow person. A thousand points of light. No new taxes… -- sorry -- ah, here we go: The road of free trade is paved with good intentions. It will be directly leading us along the path to prosperity. yeah? I'll believe it when I see it.
George B: Thanks for your vote. hey, I didn't say I'd vote for you!
George B: Sorry. I mean: support for your problem… a vote of confidence. Is there any other way I can help you today? no, you've done enough damage for one session. thanks anyway.
George B: Thanks for your support. I hope we have solved your problem. Keep the faith. yeah, right.
George B: Goodnight and God Bless America.

NO WAY, NOT ME!: While George Bush was watching his back for presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry, he was replaced by Indian office worker, Sangeet Dinali (bottom).




ISSUE # 14

Schwarzenegger's Job Outsourced to China

President Bush's Job Outsourced to India