In an effort to win the Delegates'
Cup, 'Howie' Dean's explosive campaign spins out of control and
comes to a screeching halt. Unable to pick up the necessary points
in the Wisconsin race, Dean will not continue on to the Bush,
By George Wolfe
BURLINGTON, Vt. — The DEMCAR race to the National Convention
Invitational shook off yet another major contender yesterday.
The showdown between Howie Dean and Johnny K. Kerry ended in a
nasty wipeout for the man who, but a month ago, was far and away
This leaves Kerry and 'Carolina' Edwards in a neck-and-neck race
for the Bush, Jr. series race in November.
"We may have crashed, and our tires
may even be missing, but that doesn't mean we can't keep moving…"
— 'Howie' Dean, DEMCAR racer
Miraculously, Dean walked away unscathed from the burning metal
carcass of the vehicle which got him close — but not close
enough — to Victory Lane. He was seen staggering around the
track, sorting through the widely strewn wreckage. A reporter caught
up to him and asked how he felt, to which the brash Dean responded,
"Oh, the Iowa wreck was ten times worse! And the New Hampshire
wreck hurt, too. I wasn't prepared for those. But after fifteen
other wrecks… hey, I feel pretty juiced."
After this encounter, however, Dean lost consciousness and had
to be taken away on a stretcher. As he passed by the somber crowd,
he was heard mumbling the names of all fifty states.
Experts speculated that Dean, though he energized crowds and
racers alike, may have had trouble with his catalytic converter,
and that it contributed to a rupture of his main fuel cell, thus
causing the wipeout. Others spoke of the "overdynamic drag"
that weighed down his vehicle after his Iowa rant. Still others,
viewing tapes of the crash, believe that Kerry, as the front-runner,
was putting out "excessive, dirty air" which blinded
Dean momentarily and led to the crash.
Other past contenders — Mosely Braun, Jojo Lieberman and
Dicky Gephardt — backed up this theory, complaining that
Kerry had cut them off and caused their own wrecks.
In the winner's circle, Kerry countered the accusations, "I
don't play dirty. There have been clear signs from early on that
Howie's handling of his vehicle was questionable. The man had
a lot of horsepower and prime poling position at the start of
the race. All it takes is one wrong turn of the steering wheel."
Nonetheless, die-hard Dr. Dean, speaking from his hospital bed,
bolstered the hopes of his tearful supporters when he said, "We
may have crashed, and our tires may even be missing, but that
doesn't mean we can't keep moving… down the real home stretch
to the White House Cup 2004!"