Orange County Joins Attack on L.A.

Orange County and the Inland Empire form an alliance in Operation Angelic Freedom. However, troops encounter pockets of loyalist 'creative types' in their efforts to locate the elusive mayor and a handful of Hollywood elites.

Part 2 in a 3-part series
By George Wolfe

IRVINE — Orange County has officially allied itself with Inland coalition forces and stepped up its military contribution to liberate the people of Los Angeles.

Inland Empire forces moved swiftly through parts of eastern Los Angeles County before encountering stiff pockets of resistance in East L.A., where they were covered in spray paint during a midnight raid.

THE GREAT HAHN: The mayor brandishes his new machine gun in downtown L.A..

On the positive side for coalition forces, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, a popular conservative radio/T.V. personality, was rescued in a daring raid by Empire commandos who airlifted her to safety. Schlessinger said, "I'm thankful for the rescue, but I wish I could've escaped myself."

Meanwhile, the hunt for the elusive Mayor James Hahn continues, with further sightings in downtown L.A. of what is believed to be another body-double. A grainy videotape of the supposed-mayor shows him mingling with crowds and petting babies. "Sit tight, my fellow Angelenos!" the man says. "The invaders want access to the golden fields of our entertainment industry! Will they stop at nothing to acquire a little drama in their lives?! They will be denied: We shall cut them down with creativity!"

Hahn made good on his threat when, just hours later, the commander of Orange County troops, General Billy Bragg, spoke via satellite from the front, outside Whittier. In the background, the 1st Infantry Division is seen pulling back from advantageous positions. Prior to transmission being cut off, Bragg commented, "This tactical retreat will surely confuse rogue elements. Blood will flow… through their veins!" Closer analysis revealed that Bragg was an elaborate special effect concocted by an animation firm – much like the movie Simone, in which a producer creates a computer-generated movie star.

It wasn't immediately clear if the ruse was a breach of the Geneva Convention's Rules of War or the Screen Actors Guild's contract regulations.

Clearly frustrated by such efforts, the Inland/Orange Empire produced and distributed a pack of tarot cards that they hope will lead to the capture of the most dangerous Angelinos. Topping the list are couple/actors Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon (The Lovers), actor Martin Sheen (The Hanged Man), filmmaker Michael Moore (The Hermit), singer Madonna (The Star), actress Janeane Garofolo (The Fool) and Murphy Brown (The Devil). For a complete list of the cards, go to "L.A.'s Most Wanted."