Valley Block to Secede
From Other Valley Block

by George Wolfe

WOODLAND HILLS – The 3500 block of Woodland Hills Avenue has declared its intent to secede from the 3600 block of the same street.

After voters failed to endorse the hotly contested secession of the San Fernando Valley from greater Los Angeles, residents of this block took matters into their own hands.

This latest twist represents the first micro-secession to hit the Southland.

Leading the "3500 Block United" movement is Bernie Nickelbur, a lawyer who's also a block resident. "Just because the valley didn't suceed at the polls doesn't mean we have to suffer the same fate. We just want to be able to govern ourselves. It's as American as apple pie."

Asked if his movement suggested a gripe with his neighbors, Nickelbur said, "Look, a lot of us on our block simply relate to one other in a way that we don't with the folks on the 3600 block. Basically, it's a different set of values.

"We prize our homes and our neighborhood. We keep our lawns trimmed, our houses painted, our cars washed, and we clean up after ourselves — if, say, we're walking our dogs in front of someone else's house. But I don't want to sling mud, so let's leave it at that, okay?"

"Look, a lot of us on our block simply relate to one other in a way that we don't with the folks on the 3600 block. Basically, it's a different set of values."

— Bernie Nickelbur, block leader

Nickelbur defended his block's position, clarifying that, "We get along fine with the 3700 block, and even the 3800 block — but those two blocks just felt it wasn't right for them to push for all-out secession. That's their choice and so they'll have to sleep in that bed."

Asked how the block would attend to the day-to-day matters of managing their block as a separate entity, Nickelbur added, "We're an amazingly diverse group of people. Very talented. If we need police, Jim Johnson, over at 3520, used to work as a private investigator. If we have a problem with fire, we've got a guy over at 3581 who used to serve with the Oxnard volunteer fire department. We've got a few exceptional housewives who've agreed to do home-schooling. And as far as city administration is concerned, my wife used to work as an administrative assistant many years ago. It's definitely happening. If we're unified in this, there's nothing we can't do."