First Case of Second-Hand Eating

Second-hand eating follows second-hand smoking into the court system. Obese people vow to eat their hearts out.

By George Wolfe

CULVER CITY — Californians were one of the first places in the nation to eliminate smoking in bars and restaurants. Now, it seems, they may be the first to eliminate eating in bars and restaurants, too.

After the crackdown on the tobacco industry, health advocates and lawyers are rallying around the case of Mayote Cornaggio, who had a heart attack next to someone who was eating a 1/2-pound burger at Jimbo's Bar & Grill.

Cornaggio's wife is leading the suit, and her lawyers are charging the owner with not properly warning customers of the inherent dangers of fatty foods for those sitting next to fatty food consumers. This is believed to be the first case of its kind in the nation.

— Audrey Gutthorp, member of Californians Against Second-Hand Food

Some people are already scoffing at the case. But not Audrey Gutthorp, with the non-profit, Californians Against Second-Hand Food. “It's not a laughing matter. I want all Californians to ‘just say no’ to those who feel the need to inflict their bad eating habits on the rest of us. It’s reckless endangerment. Infants and the elderly are particularly susceptible. It's inexcusable.”

Many bar and restaurant owners are incensed and alarmed over what they see as a steady encroachment—some charge 'cultural fascism'—upon things that should be personal choices of the businesses or the customers who choose to frequent those establishments.

Jim E. Schmitt, the owner of Jimbo's, says that he's been singled out. "It's gotten to the point where I can't even lift a finger without some jerk possibly suing me for some second-hand something! And what really gets me is that we even serve decent food. OK, so it was a burger, but we use quality beef. How are we supposed to survive as businesses? Huh? Can we only serve organic lettuce with non-fat, do-nothing dressing? Why will people come to bars and restaurants in the future—to play tiddlywinks and drink bottled water?!"

But national food joints also shared in the pain. Shares of the major fast food establishments were hard-hit. McDonalds plummeted 24%; Burger King was down about 21%.

McDonalds' public relations associate, Ronda Klondike, weighing in at just under 330 pounds herself, issued the following statement. "Bad eating is not something we do at McDonalds. And we certainly don't condone this notion of second-hand eating. I mean, sure, if you’re sick, and someone’s sitting next to you, and you say ‘Hey, you want a bite of my burger,’ and they say ‘Sure,’ then yeah, maybe someone's health might be compromised, but otherwise we don’t see the harm and have no further comment on the matter."

Meanwhile, Rex Winslow, a former smoker and now an allegedly former fast food eater says, "Frankly, I'm just sick and tired of quitting all these things. It's made me very depressed. I was a much happier man when I had even a single vice!"