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New Hollywood Museum
to Display Celebrity Garbage

Britney's chewed gum, Jackson's former nose to be included in the Celebrity Junk Museum.

HOLLYWOOD —— A new museum in Hollywood will open later this year exhibiting the refuse of show biz stars and athletes.

There have already been 37 different eBay auctions for Britney Spears' discarded chewing gum, which she spits out in public with disturbing frequency, ranging up to $14,000. So the perky, 22-year-old infantile diva has donated a faded pink, one-inch-long piece of Double Trouble bubblegum, with numerous teeth marks to the new Celebrity Junk Museum.

Michael Jackson, pending trial for child molestation charges, has generously donated his former nose, which will be kept in a small, refrigerated, translucent cube in the museum.

"I think five bucks is a deal to actually be in breathing distance of clippings of Robin Williams' back hair"

—-- Claxton Pustule, curator

The Celebrity Junk Museum is the dream of Claxton Pustule, a former gossip columnist, hair stylist and cow inseminator who recently inherited $4 million after the fiery auto death of his industrialist father Paxton. "Coincidentally," the younger Pustule declared, "he never loved me. So I’m blowing all his money. Yeah!"

Pustule plans to open the doors to this repository of celebrity crap in December, with a nominal charge of $5 per person. "I think five bucks is a deal to actually be in breathing distance of clippings of Robin Williams' back hair," contended Pustule.

It has not all been easy, however, for the spoiled, talentless businessman with the revolting last name. Pustule has been turned down by numerous famous folk and so he has hired a crew of employees to search the garbage cans of the famous.

"Not everything gets in," Pustule admitted. "I mean, how do you pick between Barbara Streisand's broken Espresso machine and a partially consumed jar of salsa verde from the home of Gloria Estefan? Choices have to be made."

CELEBRITNEY JUNK: M.J.'s old nose and Britney Spears' ABC gum are just a few of the items for viewing at the new Celebrity Junk Museum.




ISSUE # 23

L.A. Schools Begin "Oil-for-Education" Program

Hollywood Museum to Display Celeb Garbage

Asian Refugee Actresses Wash Up on Beaches