boulderdash n: a road game played by California drivers during the wet season <Penelope called her friend to tell her about the ~ that was already underway along Pacific Coast Highway.> -more-




Reagan Death Inspires
Alzheimer's Theme Park

Ronnie-style robot figures to wow kids and adults as major attraction.

Special to The LaLa Times
by Brad Schreiber

SIMI VALLEY, Ca. —— The passing of former President Ronald Reagan has prompted the development of a bizarre new theme park on the grounds of the Reagan library, to be based on topic of the debilitating Alzheimer's Disease.

Tentatively called "Foggyland," the amusement park will take up 35 contiguous acres and feature such attractions as the Find the Car Keys Pavilion and the Do I Know You? photo booth, in which the participant's face is photographed, altered to look like someone else and then provided as a souvenir.

"Foggyland will be a great theme park attraction for all ages," said Cale McMurdo Vice President of Corporate Obfuscation for the park. "And if adults over the age of 65 can provide a note from a doctor proving they have organic brain dysfunction not related to an accident, self-inflicted wound or earlier mental retardation, they get in free!"

Reagan, who suffered from Alzheimer's Disease even while president, prompting him to make up stories that never happened and liken plots of old movies to the complex nature of geopoltics, will also be represented at Foggyland by a full-sized automaton, similar to the Disneyland exhibit with Abraham Lincoln.

"Ask Ronnie" will be a robotic replica of the fortieth president, a painstaking recreation right down to his dyed hair and "aww, shucks" demeanor. He will have 32,000 different show business stories programmed into his memory banks as a response to anything asked of it. If a question is deemed too difficult, it will receive a standardized, "There you go again," or "We begin bombing in five minutes" response from the mechanical Reagan.

Foggyland, slated for unveiling this Fall — or was it next Spring?–— will have a huge, institutional cafeteria for dining, called The What-Is-This-I'm-Eating Café and the theme park will also boast 614 Lost and Found kiosks for missing persons.


If you enjoyed this article, be sure to check out contributor Brad Schreiber, and his new book: What Are You Laughing At? How To Write Funny Screenplays, Stories & More.


I ROBOT, REAGAN: This lifelike automaton is just one of the many features at the new theme park, Foggyland, inspired by former President Ronald Reagan.


HOW MAY I HELP YOU?: Speaking replicas of the former president will assist disoriented visitors by providing directions and by helping to locate their parked cars or family members.




ISSUE # 19

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Reagan Death Inspires Alzheimer's Theme Park